I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
