birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
