you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
