why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he puts the penis in happiness.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
