but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
