you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
