I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
