At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
