I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
