I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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