i just google imaged poop.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
