Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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