get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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