her vagina looked like bernie madoff
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I understand Curling. That high.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
