I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
