you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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