come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
that may or may not have been my penis.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
