he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
