I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
