god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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