Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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