...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
