the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
