You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
