Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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