the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
