That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize