I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
