Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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