So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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