Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
