really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
