We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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