my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
