She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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