Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize