you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
