It's like God shit irony all over that family
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
