bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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