i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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