i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
