If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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