I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
