I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
