I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
