I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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