Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
