Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
