I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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