You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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