I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
