im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize