I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
