Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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