Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
