I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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