the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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