Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize