I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
