My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
