theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
