I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
